Bane of Learned Helplessness X

Today I learnt about learned helplessness.

https://www.verywell.com/learned-helplessness-1393027

People who struggle with learned helplessness blame themselves for everything. They struggle, as a result, with low self esteem and depression.

Solution:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14707-overcoming-helplessness/

  • Practice healthy coping, problem-solving, fear-desensitizing and conflict-resolving behaviors.
  • Learn “normal” coping behaviors from others who are in a healthier place than yourself.

Be patient and persistent in your efforts to break the vicious cycle.

D. What irrational, unhealthy beliefs keep you in your role of helplessness with each of these people and in each of the “helpless to overcome” issues in your life?

  • Fear of failure. Inferiority complex.
  • Sense of helplessness to break out of the vicious cycle of my life/family
  • Fear of absolute poverty/declining health & well-being

E. Identify why it is so difficult for you to accept personal responsibility for helping yourself to overcome each of the problems, fears, issues and conflicts over which you currently feel helpless.

  • Fear of failure and feeling of being a loser
  • Ingrained belief and habit of learned helplessness
  • Default avoidance coping mechanism

F. Identify the benefits of taking personal responsibility for helping yourself on your own and under your own power and control.

  • Feeling of empowerment
  • Lesser anxiety and toxicity of vicious cycle in life
  • Greater confidence & self-esteem
  • Greater sense of financial security

G. Identify the negative effects of remaining helpless as you face your current problems, fears, conflicts and issues.

  • Declining mental well-being and overall health
  • Declining sense of overcoming adversity in life 
  • Declining financial health

H. Identify why your efforts in the past to overcome your sense of helplessness failed. What did you lose in your life when you became more capable of helping yourself?

  • Still fumbling with self-discipline
  • Battling with inner voice of self-doubt and fears
  • Greater sense of empowerment and control over reactivity to problems
  • More resilient and confident when I become more capable of helping myself

I. What are the benefits for you in remaining helpless in your current problems, fears, issues and conflicts?

  • Nil

J. Identify which of your current relationships are based on feeling helpless. How would these relationships change once you ceased acting, thinking and feeling helpless? How does the potential change in your current relationships keep you “hooked” into remaining helpless?

  • Strained and irritable interactions with my parents
  • Trapped and sense of hopelessness for family future
  • No aid in progress and advancement in life if I choose to persist so

http://lifecoachplus.net/solutions-for-overcoming-learned-helplessness/

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/therapy-learned-helplessness/

 

My Life Plan

Yesterday an unexpected visit from Mr Bengt Carlsson was quite a perk-me-up. I had been struggling with the direction and growth of Seigneur Luxury vs Me. And it was gratifying to see real life example of people of whom you wish to emulate the success story you want upon yourself in future.

I was fumbling along in life, succumbing to inner fears and inferiority complex. And it has been a constant struggle pitting against yourself. The anxieties, mounting, can be overwhelming at times. That has and still is always being a work-in-progress to overcome and counter.

When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding… We try to dress-rehearse tragedy.

Reinvention is a process that could take years! Don’t overwhelm yourself by getting consumed on the big picture. Take one step at a time to accomplish your end goals.

I decided to draw up a LIFE PLAN as shared by Mr Bengt Carlsson. It is to re-establish greater clarity and stronger visualization of what my future goals to strive for and to achieve.

My key areas I want to target and continuously work on myself are:

  1. Constant self-growth and development to enhance and value-add myself
  2. Innovate to roll along life punches thrown with growth mindset
  3. Build mastery in Seigneur Luxury’s business journey to boost esteem and confidence
  4. Strive for wealth and well-being creation
  5. Create my life legacy

My driving force:

  1. My parents
  2. Better living standard for my parents, brother and I
  3. Higher economic status
  4. Greater wellbeing created

My life dreams:

  1. Direct ownership of my life
  2. Better autonomy with future life choice
  3. Be financially independent and free at retirement stage
  4. To be able to pursue interests freely

Plans in motion:

  1. Wealth creation – Business Owner
  2. Wealth generation – Business Growth (Soho to Company)
  3. Property ownership – Security (roof over head) & Rental Generation (Investment property)
  4. Wealth multiplication – Secondary business and income revenues
  5. Financial education – Investment (Stocks, Shares, Assets)

 

 

 

Beware of being consumed by anxieities and depression

life preserver

Snapshot Report

Existential Anxiety 73 You have a fairly high level of existential anxiety, which can be best explained as a sense of dissatisfaction with life and a feeling that things are somehow beyond your realm of control. Overall, people with such an outlook often feel helpless, as though nothing is predictable or stable, and wonder why they are not as happy as other people appear to be. They may sometimes feel out of control, afraid of the future or even question whether life has any meaning. Your flashes of existential anxiety could send you on a downward spiral if you don’t get a grip on them. Adopting a more positive outlook could have a profound effect on the way you view the world, your role in it, and your level of anxiety.

Boost self-esteem!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem

People with low self-esteem tend to see the world as a hostile place and themselves as its victim. As a result, they are reluctant to express and assert themselves, miss out on experiences and opportunities, and feel powerless to change things. All this lowers their self-esteem still further, sucking them into a downward spiral.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201608/is-the-most-powerful-way-raise-your-self-esteem

In addition, it may be of limited value to systematically review your past so as to recognize that you were more worthwhile or capable than your parents ever made you feel. True, re-perceiving your past may help change the way you appraise yourself. Still, it’s substantially less likely to transform deep self-doubts that—at a feeling level—you still harbor about yourself.

The Solution: Coping Actively with Life’s Challenges

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201604/5-ways-boost-your-self-esteem-and-make-it-stick

Ways to nourish self-esteem:

  1. Avoid generic positive affirmations

    Positive affirmations are like empty calories. You can tell yourself you’re great but if you don’t really believe it, your mind will reject the affirmation and make you feel worse as a result. Affirmations only work when they fall within the range of believability, and for people with low self-esteem, they usually don’t.

    –  Accumulate positive experiences. 

  2. Identify areas of authentic strength and competency

  3. Demonstrate ability

    Do one thing a day that makes you feel more effective and in control of your life. This can be anything from balancing your checkbook to playing the guitar. When you hone in on the skills that you already have, rather than focusing on what you are lacking, you become more aligned with your positive self-talk, which you can build on.

    Build mastery.

  4. Learn to tolerate positive feedback

    When our self-esteem is low we become resistant to compliments. Hard as it might feel to do so, especially at first, being able to receive compliments is very important for those seeking to nourish their self-esteem.

  5.  Self-affirm

Other reads:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201603/5-ways-self-esteem-boosting-strategies-can-backfire

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201606/5-ways-boost-your-mood-when-you-are-feeling-down

Eradicate these pyschological barriers

http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/the-top-3-reasons-you-cant-change-your-life.html

Psychological barriers:

  1. Don’t know how change works, assuming that it’s an all-or-none process that isn’t incremental and doesn’t involve setbacks;

  2. Are demoralized, often because of repeated failures that make them feel stuck, or

  3. Are too busy defending their behavior, by denying it’s a problem, rationalizing, withdrawing into a protective stance, or lashing out at others.

Key: Feeling good about yourself, it appears, is a much better route to achieving your aims than cracking down on your perceived inadequacies.

https://brightside.me/article/12-behaviors-that-we-all-need-to-fight-against-to-achieve-a-better-life-37205/

  1. Stop being envious of everyone else

  2. Taking everything too personally

  3. Acting like you are always a victim

  4. Hoarding pain and loss

  5. Obsessive negative thinking

  6. Lack of emotional support

  7. Making superficial judgement about others

  8. Cruelty (Lack 0f empathy or compassion)

  9. Cheating and cutting of moral corners

  10. Hiding your truth

  11. Constant validation

  12. Stubborn perfectionist